It has been 2 weeks since my father has passed away and it still feels so surreal. It still feels as if I’m just dreaming, it isn’t real. 

Just now I was texting my mother, checking up on her, and in the back of my mind I was already reminding myself to text my father to check up on him as well, but then I realized he’s not here

It’s not fair. He was only 58 years old. It happened too soon. I don’t know why he had to go through that. I don’t know what is the point of living at this point. What is the purpose? So we can all go through the hell of losing a loved one? So people go through hell before they die?

What am I going to get out of this??

What am I supposed to “learn” if we’re meant to live to solely learn. 

He didn’t deserve any of his sufferings. 

All I have left to believe in now is that he’s around my family in spirit. That maybe, hopefully, there is life after death. 

That there is some fucking purpose to live.