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It has been 2 weeks since my father has passed away and it still feels so surreal. It still feels as if I’m just dreaming, it isn’t real. 

Just now I was texting my mother, checking up on her, and in the back of my mind I was already reminding myself to text my father to check up on him as well, but then I realized he’s not here

It’s not fair. He was only 58 years old. It happened too soon. I don’t know why he had to go through that. I don’t know what is the point of living at this point. What is the purpose? So we can all go through the hell of losing a loved one? So people go through hell before they die?

What am I going to get out of this??

What am I supposed to “learn” if we’re meant to live to solely learn. 

He didn’t deserve any of his sufferings. 

All I have left to believe in now is that he’s around my family in spirit. That maybe, hopefully, there is life after death. 

That there is some fucking purpose to live. 

sad.